no bubbles today!

Aaah, I'm not that tired. I keep feeling like I should say I am, but I'm not. For a while now I've been waking up around 4pm, and the days always feel so short. And so when I actually do wake up early, the day feels amazingly long. I've been staying up later and later every night, and usually when I do that, there comes a day where I stay up until morning and still feel super awake, and so I decide to just stay up all morning until I conk out at night, this time at a really early time. So then everything is reset!

Ugh, I'm also trying to get my voice back. Not my actual voice, but my how-I-speak-differently-from-everyone-else voice. Recently I've been trying to post stuff and I feel so stiff and contained. I think this must be because of all the essay training we've had during the school year for english, and because I've been typing and editing so many e-mails and letters to adults this year, which always takes me unnaturally long. Therefore, when I send regular e-mails to people, I always use "in which" instead of "when" and "where", and I try to keep myself from using smileys and from using exclamation points and from typing super long sentences and from making up words. Right now I am trying to break away from my essay-voice. And ah! I'm still separating my contractions! I recently began using smileys again, but I'm still trying to contain that a bit because I realize that I keep depending on them too much and when I try to keep myself from using one, I realize that I can't find the right words to express what I want to.

I forgot the other thing I was originally going to talk about. Oh well.
Hmm. What's the opposite of brown? Or the complement of it? It feels like all colors have their complements, but I can't think of one for brown.

I'm slouching right now. Normally I can bring myself to unslouch when I realize I am, but it's like the staying up late has this side effect of making me not unslouch. Now I keep switching between slouching and what I call the dancer pose. That sounds a lot better in my head, like most things do for people. Anyway, the dancer pose is basically just when you don't slouch, but more extreme. Every time I think I'm extremely not slouching, it's not extreme enough. It's like your shoulders have to go all the way back and down or else everyone thinks you're not sitting up straight enough. When you actually do accomplish this spine-straightening activity, you kind of look like a dancer, and that's why I call it the dancer pose. I only say this because my school has a dance department, and it is always immediately obvious who is in this department because they are the majority of the people who sit up straight.

For some reason, I can't stand listening to any of the music I normally listen to. I went through all the music I had on my grooveshark account, and I just couldn't stand any of them. So then I watched youtube videos, which I never do. And then I went to the old playlist.com, and listened to everyone else's playlists, which surprisingly worked. It really reminded me of last summer, or maybe even back in 8th grade during the school year, which was nice. I've been listening to the same kind of music all year, and it's like when I listen to the same kinds of songs now, it isn't summer or something. Even The Fray, which I love. Suddenly all the sound in the background of their music really bothers me, like I'm suffocating in too much sound diffusion. It's very strange.

As a result of my music search expedition, I've found a few new songs. I found this apparently well known amazing singer/piano girl on youtube who's name is Christina Grimmie. I'll pick one and link it here in the middle of my post, just to change things up.

Just a Dream by Sam Tsui & Christina Grimmie - So this was a really popular song a few months ago, sung by someone else. Tsui and Grimmie did their own cover to this song, and it sounds really nice, and different enough so that it didn't sound like the stuff I listened to all year. Listen to it!

Do you think there's such a thing as negative babies? As in negatively aged babies? Because we're 9 months or so when born, so before then we were 0, and then is there a before then age? Are all babies fated to happen so that there are baby souls somewhere, each one counting down to their birth? Maybe there's a -102 year old baby someplace right now, so in 102 years and 9 months, it'll be born. I always imagine these beings to be bubbles. Everything I don't know about are bubbles. Dreams too. I think it's because I feel like they should always be floating.

Now that we're on this topic, one of the reasons I oversleep sometimes, other than when I'm doing it to avoid doing inevitable things that day, is because I'm chasing dreams. You know when you have a really good or interesting dream(maybe even nightmares that are too interesting not to continue) and suddenly you wake up either from an alarm or a phone call or other people or your internal clock, and you really want to get back to the dream? Normally if it was your internal clock that woke you up, that's not a problem. Alarms are ok too, if you've gotten so used to slapping it off and stuffing it under your pillow that you can't remember how it got there. But if it's a phone call, just looking at the caller id will bring you too back to your senses, so that it's almost impossible to get back to your dream.

Dreams are like bubbles, I think, and so you have the bubble when you're dreaming. When you wake up, you let go of the dream bubble, and it starts to float away. Usually it's easy to catch if you're half conscious or if you woke up normally, because it's only a few seconds you're asleep again. If you stay awake too long, the dream bubble floats out of your reach, most likely taking other bubbles with it, so you don't have any more dreams that day no matter how many hours you spend hoping it'll come back.